Far too few Americans remember that the Founding Fathers, authors of modern liberty, greatly enjoyed their food and drink — from drafting the Declaration of Independence over pints to serving French fries in the White House. Now it seems that food liberty — just one of the many important areas of personal choice fought for by the original American patriots — is constantly under attack. Don’t let the tyrants rule your food choices — this Fourth of July, remember your food freedoms, and sign our Declaration of Food Independence.

Boston, hotbed of Revolutionary activity, has become home to calorie killjoys. In 1773, Samuel Adams (namesake of the beer) led a small band of patriots who dumped British tea to protest an extra tax on the popular beverage. But now Boston is the home of Harvard’s anti-soda Redcoats and the Public Health Advocacy Institute, which has hosted conferences “designed to encourage and support litigation against the food industry.” Sooner or later we’re going to need another Boston Tea Party — but this time, we’ll dump the food cops into the harbor.

Food cops may no longer use muskets, but their aim is squarely on Three Musketeers bars. Texas Agriculture Commissioner and self-described “Food Czarina” Susan Combs struck a blow for tyranny everywhere last year when she told kids they could not share gummy bears at school and issued a fiat dictating school’s foodservice options. This year we told you how she threw her own version of a stamp tax on prohibited school foods — going so far as to levy burdensome fines against cash-strapped schools which dared serve fried potato products twice in a one-week period.

Of course, the government bureaucrats of the modern King George — Bush — have further oppressed our food choices, as his Centers for Disease Control and Prevention knowingly overstated obesity’s death-toll. That kind of claptrap has fueled attempts by greedy trial lawyers to cash in on obesity hype.

Other favorite food cop remedies include minimum purchase ages, limiting the number of restaurants in certain areas, and even putting candy behind store counters next to the cigarettes.

Of course, it wasn’t always this way. Stick these Founding factoids in your cap:

Thomas Jefferson served French fries at the White House and is credited with introducing vanilla ice cream to the United States.
It’s no accident that a brand of ice cream was named after James Madison’s wife Dolly, who was known for serving the treat to her guests.
People often ate more than 5,000 calories a day, washing their beef and pork-heavy diets down with plenty of wine, beer, and spirits.

In the world of food cops, the Founders would have been shackled in the stockade.
Meanwhile, groups such as the Center for Science in the Public Interest continue the long tradition of Prohibitionist attempts to control the consumption of adult beverages. But consider the responsible use of alcohol during the Revolutionary period:

During the Revolutionary War, George Washington made sure his troops received a quart of beer each day.
Jefferson drafted the Declaration of Independence while downing pints at the Indian Queen Tavern in Philadelphia.
New York’s first City Hall was located at a tavern.
Washington, Jefferson, Samuel Adams, and Benjamin Franklin all enjoyed brewing or distilling their own adult beverages.

So beware of dietary Puritans and their war on personal responsibility. Though they have yet to make it official, their independence from common sense was declared long ago. How can you help prevent food cops from putting you through a culinary crucible? Add your John Hancock to our Declaration of Food Independence now!