It really is the most wonderful time of the year for food activists. A cornucopia – no, a moveable feast – of nutritional puritans have already descended on Thanksgiving planners this week. We’ve seen paranoid all-natural types warning us about non-organic cranberries; tofu-wielding PETA pilgrims decrying “turkey abuse”; and, of course, the always nauseating anti-overeating tipsters. One would hope that, come Thursday, the annual guilt parade will let us enjoy our dinner in peace. But as we’re telling the media, we want you to be prepared for the worst-case scenario: a lawsuit. Meddling trial lawyers are around every corner these days (especially with the new menu labeling laws), and who’s to say one of your Turkey Day guests isn’t looking to cash in on your generosity? But fear not. Our “Thanksgiving Liability and Indemnification Agreement” is here to make next Thursday smoother than Grandma’s pumpkin pie.

Should the unthinkable happen and one of these holiday killjoys or their trial lawyer pals make their way into your dining room this Thanksgiving, save yourself the headache with one of these handy waivers [PDF download]:

In consideration of being allowed by host to enjoy a Thanksgiving meal, Guest hereby indemnifies Host from all liability for personal injury suffered by Guest – which may be directly or proximately caused, in whole or in part, by any element of Host’s meal…

This indemnification includes an agreement not to haul Host into court on the basis of:

  1. Failure to provide nutritional information including calories, fat, carbohydrates, sodium, and trans fat;
  2. Failure to warn of potential for overeating because food tastes too good and is provided at no cost;
  3. Failure to offer “healthier alternatives” or vegetarian “Tofurky”;
  4. Failure to provide information about other venues serving alternative, “healthier” Thanksgiving meals;
  5. Failure to warn that dark meat contains more fat than white meat; and
  6. Failure to warn that eating too much may lead to obesity.

Cover your bases, and have a guilt-free Thanksgiving filled with stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberries, and all the trimmings.