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February 19, 2007
Thin Mints Get Chewed Out
Americans can sleep well tonight, secure in the knowledge that food activists have outted another dangerous criminal front group: Girl Scouts. In a press release today, National Action Against Obesity (NAAO) charges the girls with endangering public health by trafficking sweet, sweet cookie contraband.
The Feds needed tax fraud to take down Al Capone, but the food police indict 3.2 million all-American girls based on their "high-calorie, high-sugar" cookies and urge people to teach these scouts a lesson by boycotting their primary fundraiser. According to NAAO president MeMe Roth, campfires and merit badges only serve as window dressing for a baked-goods crime syndicate:
Girl Scouts have an economic, medical and moral imperative to dump junk food ... using young girls as a front to push millions of cookies onto an already bloated population further exacerbates an alarming crisis, no matter how cute the uniforms are.
(If greedy trial lawyers catch wind of this hysteria, it may not be long before the scouts are pulled out of their troops and put on trial.)
Daisies, Brownies, and Cadets are the newest faces on the food police's "Most Wanted" list, but they are certainly not the only ones. In 2005 the Center for Science in the Public Interest busted Sesame Street's Cookie Monster for peddling chocolate chips to minors. And just last week the animal-rights group Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine condemned dairy farmers for pushing cheese on an unsuspecting public.
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