Center for Consumer Freedom

As children across the nation tweak their Trick-or-Treating costumes, and politicos argue over which rob-from-the-rich / give-to-the-poor candidate should dress as Robin Hood this year, America's food police are wringing their hands with glee and hoping to shame kids out of filling countless pillow cases with Halloween goodies.

That’s why we needed to dust off our Halloween Trick-Or-Treat Liability and Indemnification Agreement ­- to safeguard families who set out sweets tonight for ghoulish goblins who just happen to look like the kids from next door. Tongue in cheek? Only a bit. In an era of pointless litigation where trial lawyers are always on the prowl and calories can add up to fat lawsuits, you can never be too careful.

So now even if John “Sue the Bastards” Banzhaf shows up at your door dressed as himself (and that would be terrifying), with this agreement you can have peace of mind as you shower the neighborhood kids with chocolates and lollipops in the spirit of the holiday. No need to rain on the Halloween parade. Once they sign the waiver, children have been duly warned that eating too many sweets may lead to tummy aches and sugar highs -- and that gummy bears can stick to expensive orthodontics. Our waiver may also save your house from being egged for offering only unsweetened soy-based “candy” or other snacks that have no currency in the day-after treats market.

Print out a dozen copies to leave by the front door, and enjoy fright night! For extra fun, we recommend having neighborhood attorneys sign in decorative cake icing.