Notorious trial lawyer John Banzhaf recently gave ABC News a doozie of a quote about public schools that reward good grades with food. Banzhaf has been largely unsuccessful in his attempts to sue fast food companies for, well, selling fast food. And the target of his next get-rich-quick scheme appears to be any school that offers meals outside the nutrition-nag-approved regime. Here’s Banzhaf:

The next thing the school should offer is cigarettes and alcohol. Why aren't schools selling Hustler or Playboy magazines out of vending machines too? Schools shouldn't be selling things that endanger children just to make a buck.

Banzhaf says feeding kids hamburgers is just like encouraging them to drink and smoke. Does any sane-minded parent think that’s true?

There’s a reason we make it illegal to sell certain products to kids: Because they’re undeniably bad for them. Milk shakes and French fries aren’t. They’re only unhealthy when eaten in excess.

If Banzhaf stays true to form, expect multi-million dollar lawsuits against school districts that don’t embrace the absurd moral equivalence of pornography and lunch.