In a surprising announcement today,* the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM) committed 100 percent of its $9 million budget to medical-school tuition grants for its non-physician members. In a press release, the animal rights group said its goal was to increase the number of its members who actually graduated from medical school.

“We figured it was about time,” said Dr. Neal Barnard, PCRM’s president.* “If we can get medical degrees for, say, five percent of our members, just think how seriously the media will take us. We lost a major part of our doctor membership when we had to let Dr. Vlasak go a few years ago. All those death threats he made weren’t good for fundraising.”

Dr. Barnard also said he hopes to continue agitating for legal rights for primates, so that Dr. Zaius from the Planet of the Apes films can become a member. In addition, this week PCRM extended honorary memberships to Drs. Zhivago; Van Helsing; Evil; Jekyll; Moreau; Scholl; Peter Venkman; Emmett Brown; and Quinn, Medicine Woman.

* April Fool!