Ranking a perfect 10 on the “DUH-licious” scale, federal health officials have proposed a law that would require chain restaurants to post “taste” information next to every menu item. Advocates of the measure argue that Americans are too stupid to distinguish foods which taste like shoe leather from yummier-tasting options. To combat this confusion, food activists want eateries to label each menu item on a scale, ranging from “blech” to “scrumptious.”

“This isn’t about limiting choices,” said New York University nutrition professor Marion Nestle.* “This is about reminding people that the government knows better. When customers see their favorite foods marked with a 'Mr. Yuk' sticker, they’ll be too ashamed to order them.”

* April Fool!