In a controversial move this morning, The Humane Society of the United States (HSUS) revealed a new plan to stop Canada’s annual commercial seal hunt for good. Teaming up with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), The HSUS will ensure that this year’s hunt will be the last by pre-emptively killing all 6.3 million Canadian harp seals.

The HSUS President Wayne Pacelle explained: “We’ve tried everything else. The only way we have left to protect the seals from the hunters is to kill ‘em ourselves.* PETA has agreed to provide humane euthanasia drugs from its puppy-killing division. We’re providing the helicopters and the video cameras.”

Asked what The HSUS’s next campaign target would be, Pacelle replied: “Rats. We’re organizing a boycott of New York City tourism until the Big Apple stops killing these majestic, misunderstood creatures. We’re in favor of trap-and-release programs. Please send all unwanted rats to The HSUS at 2100 L Street, NW, Washington, DC 20037.* And don’t forget to poke little air holes in the box.”

* April Fool!