The Dallas Morning News‘s Charles Ealy is “shocked and appalled” that Coca-Cola “is using ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone‘ to sell drinks to children… After all, who would have ever thought that Hollywood and corporate America would use movies to sell soft drinks and hamburgers and French fries?”

Ealy is mocking “the fun-loving folks at the Center for Science in the Public Interest” (CSPI) for their “Save Harry” campaign, which trashes soft drinks by bombarding consumers with overstated claims and questionable research. It is reassuring to note that CSPI is “still being vigilant about what really matters, especially in this new era of threats to our health.”

“Don’t kids know they should never consume anything that tastes good or is refreshing?” asks a panicked Ealy. “Why, oh why, can’t they eat more dried seaweed?”