It is with a heavy heart that we announce the deaths of 41 brave warriors (that’s 82 wings and 82 drumsticks!) stationed in the Persian Gulf region. Small, wooden tombstones mark the graves of Captain Popeye, Private First Class King, and Lance Corporal Pecker. Most poignantly, there’s also a gravesite marking the Tomb of the Unknown Chicken.

These fowl creatures were to serve as early warning signals for chemical or biological weapons in Operation “Kuwaiti Field Chicken” (KFC). But alas, they weren’t drafted into service for their intellect — they fell as a result of eating too much sand.

Unfortunately, activist groups like United Poultry Concerns (UPC) have politicized this tragedy. They say the chickens’ untimely deaths are just one more reason for President Bush to cancel his military plans. But we concur with one columnist who wrote: “[G]iven the choice between donning tiny Army helmets and putting on Shake ‘n’ Bake bread crumbs, they’d make the heroic decision every time.”