As the United States becomes a “litigation nation” and trial lawyers line up to sue food restaurants and food companies for causing obesity, serving Christmas cookies has become a perilous proposition. Especially to the already obese — like, for example, Santa Claus. But the Center for Consumer Freedom has you covered in case Jolly Old St. Nick has John “Sue the Bastards” Banzhaf on his speed dial.

Click here to download our Christmas Cookies Indemnification Agreement.

The agreement includes a number of “clauses” designed to protect you and your family from possible liability. By signing it before he eats your cookies, Kris Kringle agrees not to sue you on the basis of:

Failure to provide nutrition information and a list of ingredients (the “Grandma’s Secret Recipe” clause);

Failure to caution of the potential for overeating because cookies taste too good and are provided at no cost;

Failure to advise that walking, biking, and jogging will shed pounds, but riding around on a sleigh will not;

Failure to warn that Christmas lights, lawn ornaments (plastic reindeer, snowmen, etc.) and other holiday decorations may constitute manipulative marketing to lure Santa into over-consumption.

Failure to offer “healthier” cookie alternatives (e.g., tofu bars);

Failure to counsel that cookies may be habit-forming and/or irresistible; and

Failure to notify that eating way too many cookies may lead to even greater levels of obesity for St. Nick (the “Sanity Clause”).