How did a bunch of porkers win the Super Bowl yesterday? According to the trusty Body Mass Index (BMI) wielded by hard-working bureaucrats to govern our waistlines, more than 96 percent of the Pittsburgh Steelers’ roster is overweight or obese. And that’s not including the reserve or practice squad, every last one of whom was apparently recruited at fat camp.

What allowed the Steelers to beat the government’s BMI penalty flag? The scale is not a particularly good measure of physical health. Michigan State University professor Jon Robison says of the BMI:

The BMI is relatively useless as an indicator of health for individuals. Contrary to what we have been told by the government, there is a minimal relationship between increased BMI and health-related issues, except at the very extremes of the weight distribution (very, very fat and very, very thin).

Quarterback-turned-wide-receiver-turned-quarterback Antwaan Randle El managed to pull off an impressive fourth-quarter gadget play, passing to Super Bowl MVP Hines Ward for a touchdown, despite the fact that both star athletes are burdened by an “overweight” BMI of 27.