When Santa comes down the chimney, he can’t help but drink the milk and eat the cookies kids leave out for him. Sadly, in this litigious age, he may leave behind one extra Christmas present: a fat lawsuit for contributing to his bowl-full-of-jelly gut.

That’s why we’ve drawn up the “Christmas Cookie Trans Fat Liability and Indemnification Agreement.” With this waiver, you and yours are covered against:

failure to provide nutritional information and a list of ingredients (the "Grandma’s secret recipe" clause);
failure to caution of the potential for overeating because cookies taste "yummy" and are provided at no cost;
failure to advise that walking, biking, and jogging will shed pounds, but riding around on a reindeer-powered sleigh will not;
failure to warn that Christmas lights, lawn ornaments (plastic reindeer, snowmen, etc.) and other holiday decorations may constitute manipulative marketing to lure Santa into over-consumption;
failure to offer "healthier" cookie alternatives (e.g., tofu bars or carob blobs);
failure to affix warning labels acknowledging that milk, should it be provided, must not be consumed if Santa is, or could possibly be, lactose intolerant; and
failure to notify that eating too many cookies and not exercising may lead to even greater levels of obesity for St. Nick.

Click here to download the Agreement. May your Christmas be merry and litigation-free!