If you’re still holding on to a few extra pounds from the holidays, don’t beat yourself up. According to the Los Angeles Times, it’s not your fault. For decades, food cops and trial lawyers have eagerly lobbied for against personal responsibility in favor of Big Brother policies to address obesity. And here it is. The paper outlines the “don’t blame me” approach to obesity—the latest magic bullet for America’s double chins:

To make Americans eat less and eat more healthily, [researchers] contend, the environment itself needs to be changed — with laws regulating portion size, labeling or the places where food can be sold or eaten … The theory that our society — not us — is to blame for our overall expanding waist size is garnering support from health and nutrition experts. 

If society should bear the blame, let’s list the accused:

Start with the Girl Scouts. Last year, obesity activist Meme Roth charged the girls with endangering public health, calling the nonprofit organization a “front to push millions of cookies onto an already bloated population.”

Good-hearted bakers must be culprits too. Health officials in Putnam County, New York recently banned local bakeries from donating donuts, pastries, and other baked goods to local retirement centers.

Mothers top the “wanted” list. In addition to sparkling water, raisins, and granola, school officials have declared war on cupcakes and other birthday treats as part of Wellness Policies created to fight obesity. (Not surprisingly, Mom is the main supplier of this sweet contraband.)

These charges won’t be taken lightly. According to the 2007 Youth Risk Behavior Survey, eating “junk” food is no different than smoking, drinking, and engaging in unprotected sex in the eyes of federal health officials. That means that if, as the Times reports, obesity demands “big actions by governments,” Daisy Scouts may soon be trading in their badges for a set of stripes.