The Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI) held a press conference* today to announce that almost all foods taste better when fried. “Whether it’s chicken breast or a Snickers bar, every meal can be improved with a little breading and some hot grease,” said Head Health Enforcer Michael Jacobson. “It’s truly unfortunate that some U.S. consumers don’t have easy access to this kind of cheap, fried food.”
Responding to this hole in the market, CSPI is launching its own line of frozen, fried potato products. Options include “Nader Tots,” “Sofa Spuds,” and “Pan-Fried Potbellies.” The group assured the public that its new venture will not keep the organization from producing its daily serving of hype. Jacobson concluded: “Just like our previous we-know-what’s-best-for-you dishes, the CSPI line of French fries can be warmed over several times.”
 
 
 
* April Fool!