____________________ (hereinafter referred to as “Guest”) has been given permission to eat at the table of _____________________ (hereinafter referred to as “Host”).

Guest acknowledges and understands that no warranty, either expressed or implied, is made by the Host as to the nutritional content of the meal. This document is offered in order to duly warn Guest that dangerous conditions, risks, and hazards may lurk in the turkey, stuffing, vegetables, cranberry sauce, fixings, drinks, desserts, appetizers, and any other comestibles that may be served.

Guest is hereby informed that Host’s food may contain any of the following: calories, carbohydrates, sodium (salt), fat, saturated fat, trans fat, polyunsaturated fat, monounsaturated fat, peanuts, sugar, alcohol, tryptophan, caffeine, and good cheer.

Guest acknowledges that eating may incur risks including, but not limited to, satiation, indigestion, heart burn, dizziness, laziness, heart disease, holiday spirit, “food coma,” and “that bloated feeling.” Host’s meal includes all items served, including those brought by other Guests (including “Grandma”).

If Guest has brought minors to Host’s Thanksgiving table, Guest assumes the responsibility for monitoring said minors’ eating habits and guarding against hazards at all times.

As consideration for being allowed by host to enjoy a Thanksgiving meal, Guest hereby indemnifies Host from all liability for personal injury suffered by Guest-which may be caused, in whole or in part, by any element of Host’s meal. Guest agrees that neither he/she, nor his/her heirs or personal representatives will sue Host or his/her associates for any injury that Guest suffers, in whole or in part, from consuming food on Host’s premises. This indemnification includes an agreement not to haul Host into court on the basis of:

  1. Failure to provide nutritional information;
  2. Failure to warn of potential for overeating because food tastes too good and is provided at no cost;
  3. Failure to offer “healthier alternatives” or vegetarian “tofurkey”;
  4. Failure to provide information about other venues serving alternative, “healthier” Thanksgiving meals;
  5. Failure to warn that dark meat contains more fat than white meat; and
  6. Failure to warn that eating may lead to obesity.

GUEST INDEMNIFIES AND RELEASES OWNER FROM ALL LIABILITY.

GUEST HAS READ THIS DOCUMENT AND UNDERSTANDS IT. HE/SHE IS SIGNING IT FREELY AND VOLUNTARILY, AND PROMISES NOT TO APPEAR AS A WITNESS IN SUPPORT OF JOHN “SUE THE BASTARDS” BANZHAF, ESQ., AT ANY TIME IN THE FUTURE.

GUEST: ___________________________ DATE:______________________

HOST: _____________________________

WITNESS: _______________________________________________________

WITNESS: _______________________________________________________