It’s almost comical that actor James Cromwell has become the animal rights movement’s standard-bearer on livestock issues. Like the make-believe celluloid world his Hollywood characters inhabit, Cromwell’s complaints about food animals are flashy but lack substance.

Farmers who keep pregnant pigs in gestation crates can provide their animals with uniform temperature, give them individualized nutrition and protect them from the weather. They also prevent more aggressive sows from attacking weaker animals and save piglets from being crushed to death by the weight of their mothers.

When activists insist that there are ”humane alternatives” to modern livestock practices, it’s important to remember that animal-rights ”reforms” always result in more expensive grocery bills.

When Sweden banned gestation crates, the price of pork reached $11 per pound — more than three times what Americans pay. And Cromwell isn’t just hoping to win some extra walking-around room for future holiday hams. He wants pork completely eliminated as human food.

The same goes for beef, chicken, eggs, milk and everything else that’s not strictly vegetarian.

Besides, James Cromwell is just a pretend pig farmer. Following his lead on animal agriculture makes as much sense as letting ”ER” “doctor” George Clooney take out your appendix.