Washington, DC – With Christmas quickly approaching, millions of Americans are preparing to celebrate time-honored traditions like caroling, tree-trimming, and leaving cookies and milk out for Santa. But in today’s era of frivolous lawsuits, serving baked goods to the jolly old fat man could put you on the receiving end of a very un-merry obesity lawsuit. Before he wolfs down the cookies, the Center for Consumer Freedom (CCF) suggests demanding that Kris Kringle sign a Christmas Cookie Liability and Indemnification Agreement.
This liability waiver includes an agreement that Santa won’t haul you into court on the basis of:
- Failure to provide nutrition information and a list of ingredients (the “Grandma’s secret recipe” clause);
Failure to advise that walking, biking, and jogging will shed pounds, but riding around on a reindeer-powered sleigh will not;
- Failure to warn that Christmas lights, lawn ornaments (plastic reindeer, snowmen, etc.) and other holiday decorations may constitute manipulative marketing to lure Santa into over-consumption;
- Failure to offer “healthier” cookie alternatives (e.g., tofu bars, carob blobs, or carrot sticks);
- Failure to affix warning label acknowledging that milk, should it be provided, must not be consumed if Santa is, or could possibly be, lactose intolerant; or
Failure to notify that eating too many cookies may lead to even greater levels of obesity.
“With this waiver, families can spend Christmas morning opening presents, instead of retaining the services of a good lawyer,” said J. Justin Wilson, Senior Research Analyst at the Center for Consumer Freedom. “They can also protect themselves from humbug lawsuits filed by Scrooge-like attorneys who threaten to sue restaurants, food companies, school boards, doctors, and even parents for the nation’s extra pounds.”