Washington, DC – Millions of Americans will soon renew the time-honored tradition of leaving a plate of cookies for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. But with millions of cookies could come thousands of extra pounds. And if the already-obese Saint Nick has a trial-lawyer elf on retainer, serving baked goods without legal protection could put you on the receiving end of a devastating lawsuit. This year, the Center for Consumer Freedom (CCF) suggests also leaving Kris Kringle a “Christmas Cookie Liability and Indemnification Agreement.”
“The United States is becoming a ‘litigation nation,'” said Daniel Mindus, senior analyst at the Center for Consumer Freedom. “Trial lawyers are lining up to sue restaurants and food companies on behalf of overweight clients. But Christmas should remain guilt- and litigation-free. Insisting that Santa sign a waiver before he chows down may be the only way to protect against being hauled into court by a Grinch with dollar-signs in his eyes.”
The Agreement can be downloaded at www.ConsumerFreedom.com. It includes a number of “clauses” designed to protect Americans from legal liability. By signing it, Kris Kringle agrees not to sue you on the basis of:
- your failure to provide him with nutrition information and a list of ingredients (the “Grandma’s Secret Recipe” clause);
- your failure to offer “healthier” cookie alternatives (e.g., tofu bars);
- your failure to warn him that cookies may be habit-forming and/or irresistible; and
- your failure to notify him that eating way too many cookies may lead to even greater levels of obesity (the “Sanity Clause”).
“We offer this waiver just in case Santa Claus has John ‘Sue the Bastards’ Banzhaf on his speed-dial,” added Mindus. “Banzhaf and his greedy trial-lawyer brethren are even threatening to sue ice-cream shops and school boards because some Americans are heavier than they used to be. Of course, Saint Nick has been obese for as long as we know. Still, you can never be sure where the next frivolous lawsuit will come from.”