Summer’s blockbuster movie season is here, and while you might think that I, Robot star Will Smith (6’2″, 210 lbs) is movie-star-fit, the flawed Body Mass Index (BMI) standard says he’s “overweight.” A BMI of 25 or higher makes you overweight, and Will weighs in at a BMI of 27.

To stay current with these obesity-hysterical times, the Center for Consumer Freedom has taken the liberty of casting weight-appropriate titles of some additional summer movies:

  • Bourne Supremely Overweight, starring Matt Damon (5’11”, 187 lbs, BMI of 26)
  • The Munchurian Candidate, starring Denzel Washington (6’0”, 199 lbs, BMI of 27)
  • The Chronicles of Fatty, starring Vin Diesel (6’2”, 200 lbs, BMI of 26)
  • Troy to Lose Weight, starring Brad Pitt (6’0”, 203 lbs, BMI of 28)
  • Van Hefty, starring Hugh Jackman (6’2”, 210 lbs, BMI of 27)

If that’s not enough to make you drop your popcorn, check out these weight-appropriate twists on classic titles, featuring even fatter movie stars, all classified by government standards as “obese”:

  • Chunky 1 through 5, starring Sylvester Stallone (5’9″, 228 lbs, BMI of 34)
  • Conan the Obese, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger (6’2″, 257 lbs, BMI of 33)
  • Diet Hard, starring Bruce Willis (6’0″, 200 lbs, BMI of 29)
  • The Sandwich King, starring the Rock (6’5″, 275 lbs, BMI of 33)
  • Thighs of Thunder, starring Tom Cruise (5’7″, 201 lbs, BMI of 31)

Many celebrities, athletes and average Americans find themselves in the crosshairs of trial lawyers (led by John “Sue the Bastards” Banzhaf), the self-described “food police” at the immodestly named Center for Science in the Public Interest, and government bureaucrats who want “fat taxes” to make food more expensive.

Does the government think you’re fat? Click here to take the test. Plug in your height and weight, and get an instant verdict on how you stack up against Hollywood celebs, star athletes, and even President Bush!