Washington, DC – Millions of Americans will soon renew the time-honored tradition of leaving a plate of cookies for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. In today’s era of frivolous lawsuits, serving the already obese Saint Nick baked goods could put you on the receiving end of a devastating lawsuit if he has a trial lawyer elf on retainer. For legal protection, the Center for Consumer Freedom (CCF) suggests leaving Kris Kringle a “Christmas Cookie Liability and Indemnification Agreement.”
With this waiver, kids can keep the food police like the Center for Science in the Public Interest away from their stockings. They can also protect themselves from lawsuits filed at the encouragement of attorneys like John “Sue the Bastards” Banzhaf, who is threatening to sue restaurants, food companies, school boards, doctors and even parents for the nation’s extra pounds.
The Agreement can be downloaded at www.ConsumerFreedom.com. It includes a number of “clauses” designed to protect Americans from legal liability. By signing it, Kris Kringle agrees not to sue you on the basis of:
- your failure to provide him with nutrition information and a list of ingredients (the “Grandma’s Secret Recipe” clause);
- your failure to offer “healthier” cookie alternatives (e.g., tofu bars);
- your failure to warn him that cookies may be habit-forming and/or irresistible; and
- your failure to notify him that eating way too many cookies may lead to even greater levels of obesity (the “Sanity Clause”).
“Of course, Saint Nick has always been obese. Still, you never can be sure where the next frivolous lawsuit will come from, so insisting that Santa sign a waiver before he chows down may be the only way to protect against being hauled into court by a greedy legal Grinch,” said Center for Consumer Freedom Senior Analyst Dan Mindus.